victoria ring

take a breath. take it deep.
calm yourself, he says to me.
if you play. you play for keeps.
take a gun, and count to three.
i’m sweating now. moving slow.
no time to think. my turn to go.

and you can see my heart beating.
you can see it through my chest.
and I’m terrified but I’m not leaving.
know that i must pass this test.
so just pull the trigger.

say a prayer to yourself.
he says close your eyes, sometimes it helps.
and then I get a scary thought.
that he’s here means he’s never lost